It’s as if something clicked. I was contemplating some mom struggles I’ve been having lately. And then I realized– I’m so frustrated with the kids lately (as in the past six months) because they’ve been interrupting me. Both literally and figuratively my kids have been interrupting me. They’ve been not only rudely jumping into conversations when they shouldn’t be but they’ve also been getting in my way of accomplishing what I want.
Ugh. Just typing that out is so ugly. So convicting.
My thoughts, while most definitely were silently occurring in my head, were as deafening as a nearby freight train. And also as frightening.
My kids are distracting me. That’s the lie I was feeding myself.
Distracting me from seemingly good things– a quiet morning cup of coffee, my daily devotional time with the Lord, an important conversation with a sister.
Yes, my kids need to learn obedience, they need to learn when to talk and when to refrain from talking, but I am just as guilty.
I need to learn that what I want to be doing is not always the task God has put right in front of me. My kids, my husband, my family– they need me. And they need a gentler, less frazzled, more-grace-extending version of me. Not only that, but they need to know, to feel, to see that they matter and they are worth my time and my energy.
It’s so easy to become sidetracked with good works– and for me this is my love language, this is how I feel loved and how I love others. But sometimes I forget that just going through the motions of motherhood is not enough and is surely not God-honoring. Slapping a heaping spoonful of home-cooking onto a paper plate with a begrudging attitude and a hardened heart is not love. It’s rebellion and a reflection of my brokenness.
And boy am I so broken sometimes.
But, then, there’s grace. There’s a loving Father extending an open hand saying, come to me, let me carry these burdens with you, my grace is sufficient.
And so this momma gives it another shot. I approach another day, another week with a refined outlook. I try not to cling to what went wrong in past weeks but learn and grow and look forward.
This time, I’ll try not to look at knotted hair as just another head that needs brushing but a beautiful daughter that needs my undivided attention for that five minute task. I’ll try not to look at requests for seconds at the dinner table as a pesky child always wanting more but a little boy who is growing and already appreciates the blessing of good food.
This shift will not come easily, for sure, but it is necessary and desired and a step toward right-reaping.
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
Each day I am thankful for a new chance, new opportunities to live this life to the full and to honor God with what He’s given me. This week, and in the weeks ahead, I’ll keep trying to do better…